It Was Me All Along (book review)

~ Chocolaterunsjudy

 

itwasme

A weight loss journey
“It Was Me All Along” (affiliate link) really spoke to me. It fit perfectly into my weight loss/management theme this past week (see my vlog and my post about why weight loss isn’t punishment if you missed it).

So many similarities between myself and the author, Andie Mitchell:

  • Love of food
  • Bingeing on food
  • Always looking for the largest cupcake, cookie, etc.
  • Using Weight Watchers to lose weight

There was a major difference between us: I didn’t have an alcoholic father who was out of work and died, homeless, when I was a young girl.

No, my father is still here (as of March 2016 — he turns 90 this month!), and he wasn’t an alcoholic. I cannot blame my struggle with weight on any major childhood trauma. I can’t even really put my finger on when my love of food (which my entire family shares, so I come by it naturally) turned into a way to cope with being an introverted adolescent.

Which brings me to one of the major differences between me and Andie: Andie’s mother really showered her with unconditional love. She never restricted food, she showered her with love (in between working multiple jobs to keep them afloat), and always told her how much she loved her. Except for one instance when Andie came home from college and her mother was shocked at how much weight she had gained.

My parents love me, of course, but there was a lot of “you would look so pretty if you just lost some weight”. Despite the fact that they weren’t thin themselves! Even to this day, my mother tells me how great I look and sometimes I want to scream that I’m so much more than my weight! Another similarity between myself and Andir, after she lost the weight.

Another major difference between myself and Andie is that she lost the weight very young. Compared to me, anyway. It took me a year to lose about 40 pounds when I was in my late 20s. It has taken me literally years to lose the same amount of weight in my late 40s to mid 50s.

In some ways, I actually think that is a good thing — for me — losing weight slowly means you are taking your time to build healthy habits, and the weight loss is more likely to stick.

It’s very frustrating, of course.

You’re not done when you lose the weight
One thing Andie struggled with, as many people who lose a great deal of weight do, was going too far in the opposite direction: becoming very controlled and restrictive about what she ate, for a time, after she lost the weight.

I can relate to that, to a degree. When you lose a fair amount of weight, there’s always the fear that it will come back on. Overnight. In one meal.

It’s an irrational fear, of course, because weight doesn’t come on that fast (and sadly comes off even slower). But it’s normal, and I’ve felt that fear too. I still struggle with it, in fact, and I’m trying to get to a place where I’m more at peace with food. It’s hard, though. It takes time. Only someone who has been there can understand because no, it’s not normal, and to gain a lot of weight, well, let’s face it — that’s not normal, either.

Just as Andie was more extreme in her bingeing than I was, she was also more extreme in her food restriction, too. To the point of leaving a restaurant one time, early in her journey after losing the weight, because not having control over her food and the choices she had to make were just too overwhelming to her.

I have never gotten to that point, thankfully, but going out to eat or to a party can still make me anxious sometimes, and for the same reasons: I can’t control what choices I have, and of course, there’s the fear of gaining back all the weight in just one meal. Silly, I know, but there it is.

In the end I identified with Andie a lot more than I didn’t. Maybe only people who have truly struggled with their weight and food can truly understand this book. I certainly fall into both categories!

Would I buy this book?
I found it an easy, enjoyable read. I was really shocked when I read reviews of the book and many called her writing sophomoric. I really enjoyed her writing! Flowery, yes, but again, maybe you have to be the sort of person who truly understands that level of food addiction to understand the language, too. Our brains really are wired differently.

But would I buy the book? No, I wouldn’t; it’s not a book that I plan to read again and again. I took it out of the library, and that is what I would recommend if you plan to read it You can also check out Andie’s blog.

See what other bloggers thought of “It Was Me All Along” at Wendy’s bookclub:

Taking the Long Way Home

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I’m also linking up with MCM Mama Runs, Marcia’s Healthy Slice, and My No Guilt Life for the Tuesdays on the Run linkup.

Today’s theme is your running uniform.

 

Running skirts, of course!

That would be a running skirt, probably 75% of the time (it’s often tights during the winter, but even then, sometimes it’s a running skirt). From Skirtsports, of course (well, not always, but again, probably 75% of the time).

And you can get yourself some SkirtSports love 20% off (regularly priced items) with code CRJ20. Because #REALwomenmove!

Is food more than fuel to you? Have you ever binged?

25 thoughts on “It Was Me All Along (book review)”

  1. My mother did the exact same thing to my sister and I while we were growing up. “Getting a little chubby, aren’t you.” “You’re too thin.” She still does it to this day even though she’s close to 80. She also started doing that with my son, I think when he was 8 (he’d put on a little weight, then grow and thin out, and is still doing that actually). Anyway, I told her to knock it off, because I wasn’t going to let her do to him what she did for my self image (which was made me very body conscious and insecure about it). Ooo, interesting… you’re like therapy, Judy! Better than therapy, lol!! Anyway, sounds like an interesting read. It’s helpful to relate to people who have gone through similar issues (such as the weight thing).

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      1. AJ’s not heavy, so I don’t quite understand my mother’s thinking or what her ideal body weight image is. But even in between his growth spurts, if he puts on a couple of pounds, I’m never concerned, because I know he’s got a lot of growing yet to do. He’s actually the tallest in the 5th grade, for a boy that’s unusual, and he’s taller than most of the middle school kids too, and he’s having growing pains again, so he’s about to eat me out of house and home, lol!
        I think it’s great you were a leader! That really holds you accountable when you are that involved, as opposed to simply attending the meetings! Have you tried the online WW groups?

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    1. I used to be an emotional eater, for sure. Now I tend to swing the other way, oddly enough — when I’m really stressed I lose my appetite.

      Oh, those mid-40s hormones are just HORRIBLE. That was part of my problem, to be sure.

      Even now, on the rare occasion I do get a period, I’ll gain weight no matter how I eat.

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  4. I have to address this a lot in my job. So many parents are obsessed with their kids’ weights (and their poops, which is a topic for another day). Interestingly, most parents want their little ones to be fat–I’m not sure why they see that as a sign of health. I try to gently remind them that there are no diseases associated with being thin (except anorexia but that’s not what I mean). That healthy eating starts early in life. It’s a tough sell.

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    2. Tom, wanting your child to be fat seems very odd to me! Autocorrect wanted to do off & that would have fit too.

      I could almost understand if it were my parents’ generation, having gone through the depression, but no, my parents set great store on looking good (and that’s obviously damaging, too).

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  5. This was a great review of the book, very interesting how you could compare your life experiences with the author’s. One of these days I’ll join in the book club, sounds like there have been some really good works!

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  6. Great post, Judy! I have eating issues- for sure. Mostly boredom, but sometimes emotional. And sadly I am THAT lucky person that can pack on weight very quickly so it’s a constant challenge for me. I’m going to check out that book- sounds like it might resonate with me as well.

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  7. I totally have eating issues. Boredom eating just like Patty and when I get going on sugar, I keep on going. You know I share your pain on the hormonal changes. Absolutely nothing comes off. ugh.

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    1. My biggest weakness? BLTs, as we call them — bites, licks & tastes.

      In fact I made granola today. I just got home from a run. Despite having a snack after my run, I was still hungry.

      And I came super close to grabbing some granola, just because it was there, but I stopped myself & had an apple instead.

      I’m guilty of that sort of mindless eating a LOT!

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  9. I LOVE food. I love cooking, creating, and of course eating it too!! In the last few years I’ve let my “Oh I am training for a marathon I can eat whatever I want” go to my head, and battled with a 10 lb. weight loss. I gained a few back, but still struggle as I am sure age plays a part too.

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