RIP, Dad: 1/20-26 WRD

~ Chocolaterunsjudy
I shared a love of swimming & the water with my Dad

When last we talked, I had just come home from visiting my Dad. As it turned out he passed away just a few hours later, and regular readers of this blog know that it was indeed a blessing. I went back the next day and have stayed with my Mom until today, helping with all the many tasks that needed to be done — dying is not actually simple, it turns out.

I am comforted by the fact that the Hospice Nurse had been there before my Mother & I came, and my sister visited not long after we did. So he had been surrounded by people on his last day, although no one was with  him at the very end.

Although the last few years have not been good, and the last few months were frankly hellish, my Dad had an amazing life filled with family, friends, and many adventures.

Sadly my brother was not able to visit him while he was in the nursing home or this last week, but in some ways I think that was a good thing. My brother was the closest to my Dad, but the Dad we knew has been gone a long time.

My brother, like my Dad, is a good speaker, and he gave the eulogy at his funeral, which didn’t leave a dry eye in the room — but also delivered many laughs. Oddly enough, I felt called on to say a few words too.

I was not nearly as close to my Dad as my brother was; although my Dad was a charming man, he could also be a very difficult man. I did want to share with you just a little bit of the end:

I was not an athlete like the rest of my family. Late in my life I started to run, then to race. Dad taught us to not be afraid to try new things, and to work hard. I am working on trying to run a half marathon in every state. Dad loved following that journey and always asked where the next race would be.

I remember showing him one of my race photos. He turned to my Mom and said “Who would have thought she’d be the athlete?”. He was so proud of my accomplishments.

When I came to visit Mom & Dad, Dad often called me his angel. Now you’re my angel, Dad. I know you’re reunited with so many loved ones and I know you’ll always be there, helping me when the going gets tough.

Your race is done, Dad, and you ran it well.

bwrd

Joining Kim @ Kimrunsonthefly and Deborah @ Confessionsofamotherrunner and sharing moving through loss.

briots

And linking up with Jenn @ Runswithpugs, Brandi @ Funnerrunner, Anna Louise @ Graciouswarriorprincess, Briana @ Matsmilesmedals, Meghan @ Meghanonthemove, and Elizabeth @ Trainwithbainfor RIOTS(running is our therapy)

Workouts update

I couldn’t really quite tell you what I did when. There were 2 runs, a lot of walking, some yoga, and some Soul Strolls.

Mileage: 10 (-3)

JY = Jasyoga
PB = Killer B
TM = Treadmill
YFR = Yoga for Runners*
WU = warmup
CD = cooldown
SB = Stationary Bike
YFPR = Yoga for Pain Relief
YTU = Yoga Tune Up Lower Body*

*Disclaimer: Amazon affiliate links; I will make a small amount of money if you buy through these links

Running Update

Monday
The beginning of the week was brutally cold. Although I’d packed a bag when I went to visit the day before, just in case, I had to repack for a longer visit. I wasn’t sure when/if I’d run again, but I packed running clothes just in case. I also quickly pounded out 3 progressive miles on the mill.

I think these sculptures are meant to be flowers or leaves, but the one on the right reminded me of an angel

Thursday
By Thursday we had done as much as we could do without the death certificates, and I decided to run. Maybe I’d do a long run, maybe not. The hills are really killer there. But I did get in 7 slow, hilly miles. Almost got eaten by a pack of dogs trying the take the photo above, though!

Not letting me out of his sight — until it’s time to eat, LOL!

Favorites of the week
It was definitely a hard week. We got to spend a lot of time together as a family, of course, and while it’s not the circumstances we wanted, I’m glad almost the entire immediate family was together.

I came home this afternoon, and to say the dogs were overjoyed is an understatement. Bandit really never hangs out in the office with me, and Mr. Judy is about to call him upstairs for his dinner, but I think he wants to make sure I don’t disappear again anytime soon.

Life should settle down now, for a while, I hope. Of course my Mom is almost 92. I think she’ll live a few more years, both my parents were extremely strong people, but who knows? This was the love of her life and they were married for 72 years and knew each other for 77.

No questions this week. Just give your loved ones some hugs.

46 thoughts on “RIP, Dad: 1/20-26 WRD”

  1. Hope things settle down for awhile. Death of a loved one is never easy no matter when it happens.

    Unfortunately I lost a good friend this week. Exactly my age and a lot of living yet to do. That is sad. Her family is devastated. We all believed that she if anyone would beat that cancer battle, she would.

    The lesson here is to live each day as if it’s your last. You never know how much time you have left.

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    1. Thanks, Kim. I have no doubt he is at peace now, and it actually was a relief for my mom. As much as she loved him, she knew he was suffering and it was time to let him go. We had been after her for a while to tell him she would be alright, and she finally did the day before, and the day he passed, as did I & my sister. I’m sure that helped him finally give up his battle.

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  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your father, Judy. The photo of you and him at the top of the page is so touching! I’m glad to read that you got a 7 mile run in this week. I hope that helped to do something that you love. The story about your dad relating to you and your running later in life was sweet. So glad you could connect in that way.

    Sending good thoughts and hugs your way, Judy!

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    1. Thank you, Deborah. I had never pictured myself speaking at his funeral, and my brother the litigator was the natural choice for the eulogy.

      Must have something to do with all the blogging, though, I found myself writing something in my head, and then got it down on paper. Wasn’t sure I was up to it at the service, but in the end I was. I definitely got emotional several times reading it.

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  6. You (and your family) have been in my thoughts and prayers for quite awhile, but especially recently. What a nice tribute to your father. Hoping you can find some peace and tranquility now as you all move forward. ((Hugs))

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  7. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. It’s never easy, but you are doing great. What a great tribute to your dad.

    Very sweet that your pups missed you so much. They can definitely sense what’s going on.

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    1. Thank you, Wendy. While dying quickly is definitely best for the person who dies, it can be so hard on the family. I had an uncle who died of a heart attack on my birthday a long time ago.

      I was quite grateful that my Dad didn’t pass on my siister’s or my birthday — it was close for my sister!

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  12. Oh, Judy, I am so sorry. You and your family were prepared for it and it was a blessing that your Dad could pass peacefully, but still…. it hurts.
    That picture of you with your Dad is amazing. Your Dad looks so young, handsome and strong. And you look so sweet!
    It’s good that you spoke at his funeral and I love the end of your speech. I’m sure it was comforting for everyone there.
    Thinking of you!

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    1. Thank you, Catrina.

      I think it was a big surprise to my mom that I wanted to speak; I guess my YTT training comes in handy in life, too.

      Yes, we were mostly prepared, and yes, we are all so relieved that he is at peace. He had a mostly great life. We all wish the end could have been different, but so often it just isn’t. 😦

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  13. My condolences, and I love the sentiments in your piece. You seem to have negotiated a difficult relationship so well to reach an understanding and peace at the end of your dad’s long life, and should be commended for that.

    On a lighter note, I love those sculptures but nearly eaten by a pack of dogs?? This reminds me of the commitment of my PhotoADay group! One woman took her pic as she was wheeled into A&E with a broken leg. We’d certainly risk devouring by dogs to get a photo!

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    1. Thank you, Liz. The dogs appeared after I’d walked into that driveway to photograph the sculptures. I would definitely not have walked in had they been milling about.

      I’ve walked/ran past that home many times, and I’ve even walked into that driveway before to take some photos of the amazing metal sculptures. There had never been any dogs out. It was seriously quite scary, but thankfully they let me walk away.

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  14. What a wonderfully touching post. Good that you and your family support each other and are able to celebrate his life. That picture of you as a child with your dad is very sweet; you look a lot alike. Glad you are able to keep running through life’s challenges–I think running keeps people stronger 🙂

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  15. His race is done, and what a run he had. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the amazing times, as they may seem clouded by the not so good years and final months. Or at least that’s what I’ve found. But so many people have told me that with time, the painful memories start to fade and you remember the really good times in such vivid colours. Wishing you and your family, strength and courage to walk this new chapter of your lives. Lots of love from my heart to yours Judy x

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    1. I can tell you that in time those bad memories do fade, and the happier ones come back. It can take years, though, or at least for me that’s been the case.

      Unlike your mother, my dad had a good, and long, life. We are all happy that he is at peace now. I do think that makes his passing much easier on us all.

      I am choosing to celebrate that life. Your mom had to be an amazing woman, Shathiso, to have raised such a wonderful, strong woman. Thank you for your kind worlds and big hugs back to you.

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  17. Sending so much love. I am sorry for your loss, but I also understand when you say that the dad you knew had passed long before. Your tribute to your father was beautiful. Thinking of you in this difficult time.

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  21. I am so sorry for your loss, Judy. Even though I was a daddy’s girl and his death was very unexpected and sudden (pneumonia), the hardest part was watching my mom grieve over losing the love of her life. Like your dad, my dad loved following along on my running adventures and always asked about how my race had gone or where I’d be racing next.

    BTW, I absolutely love the picture of you looking adoringly at your dad on the beach. Sending hugs your way!

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    1. We discussed the sudden vs knowing. We didn’t know quite when, of course, or I wouldn’t have gone back that Sunday.

      Knowing it was coming certainly helped. Knowing that he was suffering and is now at peace also helped.

      I can’t imagine how rough your Dad’s death was for your family; big hugs! I know my mother’s will most likely hit me much harder; I am much closer to her than I was to my Dad.

      Thanks again, Debbie.

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