Mom Edition: Tea/coffee Date January 2023

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I’m joining  Coco and Deborah for our first hot beverage meetup of the year! Luckily my family doesn’t read this blog, so I’m sharing some observations from my recent stay at my mom’s.

At her 94th birthday

If we were enjoying tea/coffee . . .
I’d tell you that my mom is diabetic, and yet she basically eats carbs and sugar all day long — although she’d tell you how careful she is. My sister noticed that the “no sugar added hot cocoa” she was so proud of — which she couldn’t believe she hadn’t drunk before — had 11 gm of sugar in it. She was drinking at least 3 mugs a day.

If we were enjoying tea/coffee . . .
I’d tell you while I was there I quietly put in less of the hot cocoa mix every time I made her some. I guess at one point I’d gone a bit too far, because she asked me to put Splenda in it.

If we were enjoying tea/coffee . . .
I’d tell you she really is remarkably strong for someone who is turning 95 in about 2 months. She can mostly dress herself, she still walks with a rollerator, and is still involved and somewhat active. She does tire very easily.

If we were enjoying tea/coffee . . .
I’d tell you speaking of my mom tiring easily, she complains when there is nothing to do. She also complains when she has a lot of visitors or they stay too long. My sister & nieces were there after Christmas, and although of course she enjoyed their visit, she complained because she was exhausted afterward.

In happier times (her 90th birthday, my Dad was still alive)

If we were enjoying tea/coffee . . .
I’d tell you my mom also comes from an extremely proud generation. She tells all her friends that she is so happy she “joined” Hospice and she recommends it to them all. One friend was so concerned (and confused) when my mom told her she was on Hospice. My mom makes it seem as though it’s just something she did to support Hospice, not the other way around.

I have nothing but good things to say about Hospice too. If she hadn’t qualified (not “joined”), I’m not sure she would have made it to 2022, much less 2023.

No questions today. Just hug your loved ones. You never know how long anyone has.

Also linking up with:

bfitfivefriday

35 thoughts on “Mom Edition: Tea/coffee Date January 2023

  1. Many people think hospice is a death sentence. It seems to be working well for your mom.

    My MIL is 97. She still lives at home and will never leave. Her brain is amazingly sharp but she is sad that her sight and hearing are so bad.

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    1. I do think a lot of the crap she eats plays into some physical problems and her anxiety. There’s nothing I can do about it, though (except ration her sugar laden hot chocolate, LOL!) so I do my best to keep my thoughts to myself.

      It is a comfort to know I have some pretty good genes. 🙂

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  2. I always say that when (and hopefully if) I live that long, I am going to eat and drink whatever I want. If her daily hot chocolate makes her happy, I guess she should have it. It is nice that she wants things to do and people to talk to. Thanks for sharing some of these insights. I know it’s a lot of work for you but I know she must really appreciate it so much.

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    1. That’s what everyone always says. I disagree (although I don’t lecture her about her diet). It directly effects her emotional & physical health. I’m quite sure all those carbs & sugar were at the very least partly responsible for her latest UTI. Luckily I picked up on the fact that her level of confusion wasn’t normal & I wasn’t even there yet! Left untreated it could have been very serious. That confusion leads to anxiety & some degree of paranoia (being sure people have taken her things).

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she shouldn’t enjoy her food (although she doesn’t much), or should ban sugar entirely, but the amount she consumes isn’t really making her happy & is doing damage.

      Sorry. It’s a really touchy subject for me. It isn’t easy watching someone you love being unhappy knowing that many of her choices only make it even worse.

      Believe it or not there’s so much I don’t share! But sometimes when we share the hard things it helps someone else (again, sorry — not lecturing or criticizing anyone). Maybe I’m also touchy about it because I have to deal with the consequences so much!

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  3. It’s got to be so hard getting old with a drop in energy and when simple day-to-day activities become increasingly more difficult. Heck, I see a huge drop in my energy level at 65 as compared to when I was 55. I can’t imagine being 95. Your mom looks good, though, and happy in that picture. And how cute that your mom “joined” hospice. They are from a proud generation, aren’t they? Sending hugs your way!

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  4. Oh Judy, huge hugs sent your way (and a gigantic one for your dear mother). I cannot imagine the stress and strain on you (and your family) worrying about your mother’s care and well being. My dad’s sister turns 100 in early February, and although I don’t see her often (once a year at best), I know she’s still in pretty good spirits, and her mine is strong. Physically, she still gets around, but she moved into a care center a few years ago (she’d been in an “independent living” unit prior). Thinking of you ❤

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    1. Wow! 100! My mom’s mind is pretty good, considering her age. How old is your Dad? Yes, my mom is also still in independent living (and very proud of that, too). She does need a lot of help though.

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      1. My dad is 82; he’s the baby of the family. His sister is the oldest, and there are two other brothers (a third brother passed away 30ish years ago).

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  5. Judy, I get it. Towards the end of his life my dad continued to drink, despite the fact that a) he was an alcoholic, and b) he was taking meds that were NOT supposed to be mixed with alcohol. In spite of her diet, your mom seems to be doing well- but it’s frustrating for you to know how much better she could be doing. This situation is never easy though. I’m glad you get to see her so much. In spite of everything, she looks great!

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    1. Unfortunately sugar is also very much an addiction. I’m sorry you had a rough time with your Dad, too. I can definitely say my calling isn’t caring for the elderly, but I’m grateful there are people who do really find that their calling.

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  6. Oh, I love this! Thanks for sharing more about your mom! LOL on “joining” hospice — that’s a classic — but I’m glad she’s been able to be a member for so long. 😉

    I can feel the same way about having company — I always look forward to it, but it can be exhausting.

    My husband has T2D and his diet is probably 80% carbs. Even when he’s eating “healthy” it’s likely fruit and yogurt.

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    1. My mom’s breakfast pretty much every day is tuna & cream cheese on toast, 4 banana slices, 4 grapes (seriously she counts that), pickled herring, part of a cookie, and the hot chocolate. Don’t ask me how she came up with that. Did I mention she also has high BP? Although it varies now, sometimes it’s still high, sometimes it’s normal.

      The whole conversation she had a with a friend one day was pretty hilarious. So my mom tells her she’s on Hospice. Friend is understandably concerned & wants to know what’s wrong. Mom says nothing, they were so good to my Dad she just thought it was time & wants to support them. And proceeds to tell friend she should “join” too.

      Friend is understandably confused. Doesn’t something have to be wrong to be on Hospice?

      Takeaway live now cause getting old is HARD!

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  7. Glad you’re able to spend so much time with her and she retains some physical strength. Apologies, but I’m with Deborah. If I make it that long, I’m going to eat what makes me happy.
    Everyone looks at hospice differently – grateful for your sake it works for her

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    1. I’ll tell you what, that’s also my sister’s attitude. Until she read the nutrition label on the hot chocolate. She was aghast (I never read it).

      We’ll have to agree to disagree. Thankfully she rarely has symptoms from bladder infections (which also makes them difficult to catch) but they can be very serious at her age. Bacteria loves sugar. Trust me in the long run it doesn’t make her happy. She isn’t very happy. OTOH, my sister’s eldest just got engaged — that definitely makes her happy.

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  8. Sending hugs your way — it’s definitely difficult, but I’m glad hospice is working well for her! (I like her perspective on “joining” it, hehe.) Good on you for sneaking out some of all that added sugar! Some every here and there/in moderation is fine, but it can lead to/worsen so many issues. :[

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  9. Oh Judy I so appreciate this post. Aging is certainly not for the faint of heart! I know navigating her care has been stressful, and being in the thick of it now with my mom I really understand how draining it can be. I’m glad that hospice seems to be working for her. Big hugs to you!

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    1. I hope that everything goes well for your mom. I let myself be vulnerable because it can help others. Staying silent doesn’t really help. Just my personal opinion, of course. I don’t pretend to have all the answers & I know there are others who navigate all this much better than I do!

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  10. Your mom seems amazing. Aging is hard for everyone and she and you both seem to be getting through it with (mostly) grace and positivity. It IS exhausting for the person and their caretakers, though. Lots of hugs.

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  11. Your mom is pretty amazing! She looks great too! As you know, I know exactly what you going through. Everything we do for our parents isn’t easy but needs to be done. My mom is also diabetic and it wasn’t until she had her stroke and we had to take care of her, that I realized just how awful it is. Now I can see the effects of it.

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    1. Interestingly they’ve taken her off her med for diabetes, because she’s been trending low. Apparently this can happen in the very elderly. But at the same time they’ve started her on a med for neuropathy in her hands (most likely due to the diabetes). Her health has been so-so. Winter is always a difficult season for the elderly. I hope your mom continues to do well, Zenaida!

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